Broken
by Lost Lantean
Summary: A broken heart is the most painful type of injury.


A/N: This is the result of a discussion with Moonlitxangel on non-cannon shippings seeming to require the characters to be severely OOC. It's an experiment and not the opening of a multi-chaptered fic. Enjoy.

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Jeremy looked up and towards the door as his attention was called away from the game he was halfheartedly playing by the sound of knocking. "GO AWAY" he called out bitterly, hoping that whoever was knocking would simply leave. He didn't need to see Aelita, that still hurt too much. Nor did he want to see Odd, the ass who'd stolen her heart and would want to 'cheer him up' with something about how he wasn't right for Aelita anyway or who would want to copy homework problems because he was too lazy to do them and didn't want Aelita to see. The thought that it could be Ulrich was no better.

"Open the door Jeremy." Yumi said through the door with as much authority as she could put into her voice. "You know this door won't stop me from getting in."

Jeremy sighed depressedly then reluctantly got out of his chair. Yumi was the only other person besides Aelita that he would open his door to now. Everyone else just didn't matter. They were nothing more than a reminder of the friendship and hope that once was. Of what Odd and Aelita had fractured and then he'd shattered with his initial jealousy. Intellectually he knew that they all understood but it hardly mattered to him. He reached out and turned the handle, admitting Yumi into his sanctuary.

She entered the room and was immediately blind as her eyes tried to adjust to the darkness that Jeremy was both literally and figuratively surrounded by. Aelita was almost beside herself with worry over Jeremy's increasing isolation and now falling grades. Ulrich had once tried to reach him, to coax him out of his room turned prison. But the one place he'd went, the factory... Ulrich had to pull him away from the supercomputer by force to keep him from activating it. He'd probably hoped to use the computer to force Aelita to work with him on something, anything just to get her away from Odd.

Jeremy watched as Yumi scanned his room, her eyes adjusting to his accustomed darkness after a few moments. He remembered the cold fury in those eyes when Ulrich had told Yumi what happened. The way Odd had berated him over the assumed plan. How hurt Aelita had been that she really didn't have the support from him she'd expected. But Yumi's silence had been the most unnerving. And even though the passing weeks had helped and Aelita had spoken for moderation in their response, finally realizing just how much her decision hurt him, there was nothing left.

Yumi frowned as Jeremy moved slowly back towards the computer chair, his lethargic movements radiating the sense of hopelessness he felt. In all honesty, watching the guy who was once her best friend waste away like this was eating her inside to out. Jeremy had once been the leader, had once looked forward to life and was ready to take on whatever it threw at him. Now, seeing him waste all that potential was infuriating. But it was also understandable. After all, every fear and doubt he ever had about himself was justified by Aelita choosing to date Odd. She hadn't even given Jeremy the chance to see who he could be without her fight on his shoulders.

"Jeremy, you're coming with me." She approached the chair he had seated himself in and added more fiercely "Now." As Jeremy looked at her and finally began to pick himself back up she considered why she was here. Once, what seemed like a lifetime ago, Jeremy had come back to rescue everyone after being pushed out of the group when it believed XANA's word over his. No one had even bothered to check, they had simply abandoned their leader, whom they'd trusted with their lives over and over, on the word of a complete stranger. Granted it was supposed to be the creator of the supercomputer but still... So now it was time to repay that favor by showing him that he wasn't alone. "You need to get out of this room," she said gently, "and I think I have just the thing," she finished with a slight smirk.

Jeremy cringed as the light of day hit his eyes with its full power and immediately put a hand on his forehead to shield them. Blinking away the rest of the effects as he was led through campus he gained a deeply worried expression as he and Yumi approached the gym. "Yumi..." Jeremy's started off with a great deal of uncertainty.

"Just trust me, ok?" Yumi cut him off. "I promise you won't get humiliated." _Or there'd be hell to pay_, she added to herself. After Aelita had practically begged her to help earlier, Yumi had imposed some conditions. Including reserving the gym and making sure nobody got in and nobody was there already. She also demanded that Ulrich not find out. Though Jeremy was just a friend, she didn't need him jealous of the genius if he walked in and misinterpreted something.

With a resigned sigh, Jeremy looked into the older, taller girls eyes and nodded. Hoping that this wasn't going to come back to hurt him, he followed Yumi into the gym. Already set up were several mats, a set of boxing gloves and a tall, heavy looking bag. Gulping loudly enough to draw Yumi's attention, he considered running. But Yumi had been a good friend, better than Aelita even, since she hadn't decided to just lead him along and abandon him as soon as she got what she wanted. His shoulders slumped and his eyes drifted to his shoes, the characterization was unfair. He knew he should never have expected her to like him. People like him never got the girl, it was just the way life worked.

Yumi watched as Jeremy's mood turned downwards and wondered if she hadn't made a mistake. Taking a breath, she led the despondent boy over to the heavy bag and gloves. "Look Jer, I know you're upset but you can't do this to yourself." She blew out a breath. "When I'm really frustrated or upset, sometimes I just come here and hit the bag until it can't take anymore." Smiling slightly she added, "or I can't." Her more serious expression returned, "It really does help, lets you take out whatever is eating you before it destroys you."

Jeremy nodded and weakly answered "ok I guess. But this isn't my thing."

"Jeremy," she started with some force to let him know she wasn't taking no for an answer, "going to Lyoko wasn't your thing." With a scowl she noted how Jeremy's mood stepped down another few notches and mentally berated herself for a moment before continuing in a harsh tone. "Look, computer's aren't my thing and I had to operate the supercomputer. Fighting isn't your thing and even you took a stand against XANA when you had to. I know this is hard and I know it hurts like hell but you _are_ going to at least try to recover and I'm going to help you. Is that clear?"

Jeremy staggered back at Yumi's tone but looked into her eyes anyway. What he saw surprised him, there was confidence that seemed to be directed at him. It did little to really make him feel better about himself, instead he started to tremble as he considered that he was going to fail to meet Yumi's expectations the way he had failed to meet Aelita's. He looked up and at the hand Yumi placed on his shoulder, the gesture both reassuring and terrifying as it reinforced her confidence and thus expectations in him.

Yumi shook her head as she pulled her hand back. Gathering herself and reigning in the disappointment as he turned away from her she spoke harshly. "Fine. Leave if you want but that's it." She shook her head angrily, "You're no longer a Lyoko warrior and no longer a friend."

Jeremy forced back his tears, responding weekly with "I never was one..."

"STOP!" Yumi roared, tired of his attitude. "We would never have survived without you and even Odd has to realize that."

Jeremy jumped visibly as Yumi yelled at him then turned to face her as she continued. He wanted to turn around again and walk out the door. To retreat back to his solitary and miserable existence. The one he had earned by failing his friends at being a friend. But he knew Yumi wasn't going to give up so easily. "Look Yumi," he started off sadly, "I failed not at being your programmer but at being your friend. I didn't cultivate relationships and stupidly thought I could force all of you to stick by me by reviving the supercomputer. I'm not what you're expecting... I don't know what ever made me believe I could be."

Yumi stood there staring at Jeremy, not wanting to move a muscle out of fear that she'd throttle him for being so stupid. But where was he wrong, he had tended to prefer working to bonding. And yet, only Aelita had done more than lift a finger or two to handle their fight against XANA. While she, Ulrich, Odd and Aelita fought in the virtual and real worlds during attacks, in between them XANA simply did not exist. No one even gave so much as a thought to how XANA would be defeated or Aelita's father rescued. Everyone, Aelita included at times, expected a magical release from XANA along with the instant return of her father.

But Jeremy knew better and put in all the work that the rest couldn't or wouldn't. With a sigh she considered if this could have been avoided if Jeremy had just better budgeted his time. But she also considered the incident that helped convince her she should be here now. There was a real possibility that had Jeremy taken some time off and it ended up making him miss something that resulted in a death he'd never be forgiven. Now much of her anger towards Jeremy re-directed itself towards the others, herself included. She needed to hit something.

Jeremy turned around at the sound of hard impacts coming from behind him. Yumi was pummeling the bag she had wanted him to hit and his first instinct was to run before she decided to take out her anger at him on him. But the reality was that if she was still angry with him she'd either be yelling at him or watching him go. His almost perpetual frown deepening, he stepped carefully back towards Yumi. Hearing her grunts of exertion as she pounded the hanging bag he watched, almost spellbound.

He lost track of time, watching as she took everything out on that bag. Slowly her punches got, not weaker, but less intense. Her expression changed from the uncontained rage to regret. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes so that he wouldn't see it coming if Yumi didn't want to be interrupted he hesitantly asked her "are you ok?"

Yumi stopped and whirled around to face Jeremy, her face a mask of shock both that he was still here and that he was worried about her. But that was one of his best and worst qualities. She sighed, "better now." Glancing around she gestured to her gloves, "give it a try... no one's watching and if I catch someone come in I'll make sure they can't tell anyone... Promise."

Jeremy looked around nervously before shyly nodding his head yes. This wouldn't be his idea of fun but it might help Yumi and maybe the other's stop worrying about him. He let Yumi help him into the thick, padded gloves and hoped they'd protect his hands as he lined up to throw his first punch.

Yumi chuckled as the bag barely moved and Jeremy turned to glare at her. "In all the time we've known each other, I never taught you how to throw a punch?" Her attempt at levity failed as Jeremy began to fuss with the gloves in an attempt to get them off. Frowning, Yumi gripped his wrists. "Look," she said gently, "It took me time to learn how to fight just like it took you time to learn how to program. So what if you'll never be able to fight as well as I can, I'll never be able to program as well as you do... I let you teach me a little about computers, will you let me at least teach you to throw a decent punch?"

Jeremy nodded and Yumi showed him the best stance while he mirrored it without too much difficulty. Then she demonstrated a punch as slowly as she could. He watched as her fist surged forward, her whole body rotating as if propelling her arm. The effect was fascinating as he quickly realized that if she really was pushing with her body then a good part of her body weight would be behind the punch. Her arm served only to extend her reach and the small contact area of the fist concentrated the force transmitted by her arm. Still marveling at grasping the actual science of the punch now that he'd seen it performed slowly, he tried to deliver a blow to the bag.

It seemed to shiver and he frowned, disappointed by the results. His mind made a guesstimate of the percentage of his weight that should have applied force to the bag but it seemed he fell short of that. Not one to easily give up once he'd started something, he tried a few more times before Yumi stopped him, whispering a crucial point he missed. "Pushing off with your back foot will help your follow through." He tried it, the result a much more satisfying transfer of energy from himself to the bag.

Yumi smiled encouragingly at him, "go ahead, you won't hurt the bag."

Jeremy looked at the bag with a bit of uncertainty but then began to hit it, punching it as he had just learned to. Yumi's encouragement boosted his confidence a little and he increased his pace. As he punched at the bag he could feel some of his frustration and loathing dissipate. Deciding to see if Yumi was right, he considered Odd. The surge of hatred and anger he felt seemed to help boost his strength. 'Thwack' Odd's pretty face deformed as the bag did, his teasing and gloating stopped by the impact, the smug smile of victory in claiming Aelita's heart as his prize gone.

'Thwack' Odd's eyes rolled back into his head under the impact, they'd never again turn the look that said 'why can't Aelita look like her' onto Aelita.

'Thwack' Odd stopped laughing at him on the bridge after he'd kissed Aelita.

Jeremy imagined himself as the target. 'Thwack' He hadn't been able to convince Odd that he should be the one to kiss Aelita because he'd actually been afraid.

'Thwack' Jeremy almost felt the blow on his un-athletic body that he should have known Aelita couldn't possibly have been interested in.

His blows came faster and harder. 'Thwack' weakling...

'Thwack' "Coward," Jeremy mumbled under his breath.

'Thwack' "idiot," Jeremy cursed himself a little louder.

'Thwack' "Nerd," Jeremy said. 'Thwack' "Pathetically shy." 'Thwack' "Controlling jerk." 'Thwack'...

Yumi watched Jeremy as he increased his pace, unable to hold back tears as she watched the normally gentle boy rain blows on the hapless bag while berating himself for his failures, some real, most either overblown or imagined.

Jeremy could feel the stinging of his battered hands and ignored it. His muscles burned a bit from the exertion that he so unaccustomed to, he ignored that too. Instead he concentrated on punching the bag.

'Thwack' "Selfish jerk." 'Thwack' "Ugly geek." 'Thwack' "Poor Jeremy." 'Thwack' "Pitiful fighter." 'Thwack' "Worthless faliure."

"ENOUGH!" Yumi shouted when she reached the limits of her tolerance. He didn't stop and Yumi moved quickly, forcibly wrapping her arms around his torso and pulling him backwards, away from the bag. He screamed at her, struggled to the limits of his strength to break free of her hold.

Yumi held on to her fighting friend, glad she hadn't actually trained him for this and frightened almost out her wits. Never before had she seen Jeremy this intensely violent and she knew that if he broke free now he wouldn't hesitate to hurt her. And as soon as he realized that he'd kill himself. The thought only made her tighten her grip as Jeremy's hands scratched at her and he kicked his legs to find freedom. She grit her teeth as Jeremy pulled them both off balance and the fell to the mat with an audible 'ophf."

Jeremy's tortured mind demanded release. Demanded the pain and exertion of punching the bag. Yumi wasn't going to let him have that after she had opened the flood gates. All the pent up emotion, fears and doubts carried over a lifetime of being bullied and teased, used by some for his brain and discarded when they were done poured out into his punches. Wounds he had hoped that Lyoko would have closed for good torn open with a few words from Odd and Aelita.

Yumi struggled to maintain her hold and used her larger size and position on the floor to her advantage. She rolled on top of him, pinning him to the floor with her larger weight and superior strength. But even with that it was difficult as Jeremy squirmed and bucked in an attempt to throw her off. He managed to find purchase on the mat with a foot and pushed with strength she didn't know the boy had.

Jeremy pushed with everything he had, intent on fighting free of Yumi's grasp. She had no right to stop him, she had shown him exactly what to do. As Yumi's sweat soaked hand slipped on the mat she lost some of her advantage. He rolled, managing to force his way on top and pulled back his balled fist, intending to land a blow on her head while he had the advantage. He brought his fist down with all the force he could muster in his arm. Yumi didn't have enough time, his planned action was too fast for even her reaction time.

Yumi watched in slow motion as she brought a hand up to defend herself even though somewhere in her mind she knew it was too late. _This wasn't happening_, flashed through her mind a couple of times as his fist seemed to inch closer in the dilated time her mind was creating. _Jeremy wouldn't..._ her eyes widened in shock and horror as Jeremy's fist moved closer to her face.

Jeremy watched in terror as his mind began to clear of the self-destructive haze that had consumed and blinded him for the past while. Yumi's eyes were wide with shock and fear, his fist sailing toward her face as if propelled by some unknown force. His body ached from the fight.

Yumi's time dilated perception noticed the realization in Jeremy's eyes and he jerked his hand away at the last second, the sound of the gloved fist slamming into the mat beside her reassuring and painful. That was reflected in Jeremy's face as it scrunched up with the impact. Relief flooded through her as Jeremy remained motionless for a while then let himself fall off of her. The sound of his heavy panting seemed to fill the large space. Confusion replaced her battle ready state as she turned her head to look at Jeremy's prone form.

Jeremy looked away from Yumi as she turned her head toward him. Shame flooded his veins as he recovered from the fight and he couldn't meet her eyes. He looked at himself, teary eyed and exhausted, trying to fathom what kind of monster he was. He needed to run, needed to get away before he really did hurt someone. But there was no more energy and he laid there on the mat, slowly giving in to the urge to cry that was replacing everything else in his system.

Yumi pushed herself up and crawled the short distance to the friend who had only a second ago been willing to punch her and was now beginning to cry. She had no explanation, nothing would explain except that Jeremy had finally snapped. And the thought brought a smile to her face as she pushed herself into a sitting position and drew Jeremy's head into her lap. It wasn't that she wanted to see Jeremy like this but as she stroked his hair and listened to him sob into her leg she was glad to be the one to be here and rescue him.

Jeremy picked his head up from Yumi's lap and regretted the loss of her hands on his head as she let him get up. "I'm sorry," he murmured, "I'll..."

"Shhhh, Jeremy. It's alright." She shook her head and glanced down to the gloves he still wore, "no harm done." She leaned forward and carefully took the boxing gloves off his hands then pulled him into a hug, wrapping her arms around him and rubbing his back.

Jeremy relaxed into the hug and was overcome with how well Yumi was treating him despite what he'd almost done. His body wracked with fresh sobs, he buried his head against Yumi's shoulder and drew comfort from her allowing it, from her soothing words and the feel of her hands on his back.

Yumi held unto Jeremy as he stopped crying and slowly tried to edge away. She held him tighter, just firmly enough to let him know that he didn't have to leave her embrace. Smiling again as he settled back and snuggled against her, the feeling surprised and confused her. Jeremy had once been a crush, then a friend as she looked to Ulrich for a romantic relationship. But here and now, Jeremy was with her and she couldn't help but wonder if Ulrich would have ever allowed himself to be seen this broken, she couldn't say the answer was yes. Nor could she deny the fact that Jeremy had so often been the rock when she and Ulrich were fighting. As Jeremy finally hugged her back a funny feeling washed through her, one that she enjoyed. One that she would usually associate with Ulrich. But unlike with Ulrich, she didn't feel any mistrust mixing in, no reflexive fear that she needed to withhold something of herself in case Ulrich got jealous and left.

Jeremy relaxed and finally hugged Yumi back. She didn't seem to care as the comforting hug turned friendly then became something that felt... more. The nervousness he felt wasn't entirely due to fear of Ulrich finding out. The butterflies starting to stir in his stomach were something he never expected to feel again. Yumi's hands seemed to pull him closer, her soft sigh as he snuggled against her a welcome sound to his ears. "Yumi?"

"Shhh..." She whispered into his ear, "just stay like this a while longer... ok?"

Jeremy smiled for the first time in what seemed like ages. "Yeah," he breathed out.

Though she couldn't see it yet, Jeremy's blue eyes lost some of lifeless cold they had, the sparkle of new hope returning. Yumi settled her head against Jeremy's, "You'll walk me home tonight?"

A trace of worry over Ulrich's reaction didn't find its way to his voice as he replied, "it would be my honor."

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CW - Yeah, I'm not sure what you find so fascinating about terrorizing Aelita either. Perhaps she's too easy a target? I'm not sure what I'll make of your story snippet but we'll see what I come up with.


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